When it's hard to fail.

I have a few students who have found pleasure in challenging me this year. Some who have developed a new interest in showing what I will call "bold attitude" and some who have become comfortable in their old ways of misbehavior and disrespect. Many are learning the consequences that come along with their boldness. And for some, their misbehavior comes at a high price. For example, no longer being able to play a sport they enjoy because of their lack of self control. As much as I want to give them the opportunity back to continue doing what they love, they have to learn this lesson and unfortunately, they will learn it the hard way. Or at least I hope they will learn something from this season of their lives. I had a student in tears before the school day began because reality caught up with them and it hit hard.

I turned in my "failure list" into the office yesterday for progress reports and low-and-behold… 37. Thirty-seven students are failing art class with a 70 or below! Thirty-seven. There is no reason why this should be the case, but it is. And it makes me feel like I've somehow failed at my job. I hate to see my students fail. I hate to see that list expanding, especially after I've given them so many opportunities to improve and turn in assignments. It's ridiculous, but I hope that the reality check brings them back to earth and that they work harder the 2nd time around before the grade matters and report cards come out.

I hope things get better. I hope that they soon realize that their behavior needs to change. I know my teaching style is much more challenging than any other art teacher they've had in the past, but I actually want them to learn something. I want them to leave my class with more than something pretty to frame. I want to share with them a part of the creative world that they may not learn on their own. I just wish they would take things a little more seriously. I wish they would take their time and work harder at showing obedience. I love my students, I really do. I would love to see them grow in measurable ways this year. I believe in them and I tell them that.

A few of my 8th grade girls. I love this class!!

Countdown to Insanity

This past week was I-N-S-A-N-E. And the worst thing is that nobody has any clue as to what it was like for me. Not their fault of course, but I have definitely been in hiding. In a week a student told me to shut up as they left my room, another practically cut off his finger with a box cutter (of course he was playing around and not taking things seriously), a crazy schedule due to the Independence Day celebration, I lost count as to how many lunch detentions and/or referrals I had last week, the past creeping up on me, friends who have been M.I.A., sleepless nights and really just the feeling of being so alone even when i live in such a close community. I am well aware that I have been hiding in this hole. I have been in a rut, and in some ways found that more comfortable than dealing with all of the millions of changes that my life is experiencing right now.

I miss being home at times. I miss getting to see/hold my nephew, and get a little jealous when I see pictures of others getting to hold him. I miss my freedom to be able to get up and go. I miss my old friends, from both here and there... but I am aware that they will never be the same. I'm nervous as to how this year is gong to play out, when the beginning has been so rough. Last year everyone said that the 2nd year is always easier. There is truth to that, but that statement is also a little misleading. Teaching is definitely easier. Knowing the kids brings the opportunity for deeper relationships, but it's outside of the classroom that is slowly bringing me to insanity.

So please, keep praying for all of the change. Pray for this community.