A Field of Dandelions

There's a single dandelion standing. What's a girl to do? Kick it of course! But I didn't. Not last time, and not the time time before that either. I just waited. I waited for the perfect opportunity to get that slightest hint of joy from kicking a dandelion and watching all of the little seeds fly away.
     Seems like not that big of a deal, but when there's so much going on and so much chaos clouding your vision then it becomes a big deal. As of tomorrow, January 2012 will be officially over. It feels like this month has taken twice as long to get through than any other month since I've been here. There have been many struggles, but also several moments of joy.
     One thing that I know for sure that I am learning now more than ever is the importance of patience. The importance of being patient with God, being patient with my students, and mostly begin patient with myself. I catch myself wanting the future to be here already, but I really just need to learn to enjoy what I have here now. The opportunities that I have now are limitless and I'm learning to not take that for granted. So, come February, I will do more in the now, and think less of the future. God has my life planned out - why would I want to alter any of that? I tried to do things on my own before and the results of that hurt. But thankfully my God is a God who has everlasting Love and has never given up on me - even when I turn from him to pursue my own desires.
     Living in the now. You should do it too. Now, go kick a dandelion!!

Happy New Year!!

Yes, it is the 26th of January. Yes, the first month of the year will be over with in T-Minus 5 days. And, yes, I mean it when I say Happy New Year. This month not only seems like it has taken forever to come to an end, but it has been full of struggles and trials as well. Beginning with day one I was fighting against thoughts from the past. Not a great way to start the year I must say. After that, one thing after another seemed to be calling my name - plus, the end of the quarter was near.
     I had so many ideas in which to start the year off with and a list of New Year's Resolutions by which to plan around. But all of that came to a pause and I was forced to regroup. Talk about community! One thing I'm thankful for is the opportunity to open up and talk to others and share what I am going through with them - knowing that they will cover me with prayer. I had so many great one-on-one conversations with both close friends and with others in the community who I am just getting to know better. I've had great trips down to the city, and have been introduced to new coffee shops as well. I even bought a guitar and learned a song!! And as of today, I've taken up kickboxing! ;)
     So, even though it's taken 26 days to finally get in the swing of things, the day has come. No more tears, no more frustrations (or at least none school related), no more anxieties, no more fear. The lesson here is trusting in God. It's not an easy lesson to learn, but it is one worth learning. My excitement for this year has come back, and I'm ready to take on any other challenges that may come my way during this season of growth.
     I'm ready to jump back in with the youth group, ready to begin new projects in my classes and bring a new attitude to the classroom. I'm ready to become more involved in other's lives and to experience more of the culture here in Honduras, y yo quiero practicar mas Espanol tambien. Whatever happens, I do know that God has me here for a reason, and in that I can find rest.

So bring it on 2012!! Bring it, rain or shine!

Oh yeah, yesterday was Feliz Dia de los Mujeres!! (Woman's Day - can you believe that?)
The school gave all of the female staff roses and some cookies! That made my day for sure.

Communication

There's something about going to someone just to vent. Whether you get advice or not, and whether the advice is even worth it is another thing, but just going to someone who has an open ear to hear your thoughts - that's what life's all about. Being there for each other. In the good times, difficult times, and during the times when you just want to give up. No one's perfect, we all know that, but when two imperfect people come together something is released. I'm not quite sure how to label it, or even how to describe it enough to give the feeling any justice, but something happens. And when that something happens, you can leave feeling refreshed and unconfined.
     So yes, this is what I've experienced over the last four days or so... a renewal. A renewal of my thoughts and a new perspective on how to approach the situation that I am in. And I got all of that just by talking!  I'm not saying that it's going to be easier from here on out, but I am hopeful that as the days progress the time invested in prayer and fasting will bring forth God's glory in the situation. He puts us through things that we sometimes may have never asked for to begin with. But it is in those opportunities when we really have the chance to learn, grow in Him, and bring forth the glory that is hidden within the situation. It's not a time to get down in the dumps and feel as if the world is against you (although there are some of those days), but it is a time to really grow in. So get your running shoes on, the race is just beginning.
     Back to people. Communication. Who knew, huh? I have always been a very quite person. More of a listener than a giver in the communication area, but I am slowly learning to release my thoughts and let others know what is going on. How can a problem be fixed if 1. the person with the problem doesn't have any solutions, and 2. no one else knows of what is actually going on?
     Lesson learned.

Good Advice

Lately one thing has been on my mind, and there is one person who knows what it is. Today he gave some very wise advice. It was almost like he knew exactly what to say as a reminder for me to work on my patience. He said,

"Don't get up and run, you might fall down. 

Instead wait patiently and let God move. He will do great things when you wait patiently". 

Well said, I must say.
     Lately I've felt like I need to make a move. This past year has been a year of growth, but also such a challenging year in letting go of the security that comes with being in a relationship. I know it's time to learn how to be independent, yet dependent on Him alone. It's going to be challenging, but I also know that I need this season to help me grow into what God has for me in the future.
     I'm thankful for all of the prayer that I've received concerning the issue. For those who are also fighting this battle with me, and for the wise words that I can take from daily conversations and use in my own fight.

In the end, it's all a battle in the mind, but one that I can overcome.

Phil 4: 4-9

4. Rejoice in the Lord always: again I will say, Rejoice.
5. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand:
6. do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
7. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, 
if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 
9. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me-practice these things, 
and the God of peace will be with you. "

Miss, Do you believe in God?

Yes, it's true. I had a student ask me the other day if I actually believed in God. And when I gave him a sincere answer, he continued to ask, "why?".

It's so surreal to see these students who attend a Christian school, have bible class and attend Chapel once a week to still be so skeptic. My life was changed in the 7th grade - I guess you can say that I "grew up" in a healthy environment, and I wouldn't change it for the world. I only wish the same for all of my students. I can only imagine what it would be like if the entire school had a heart for God like my friends and I did back in high school. Imagine what we could do - the impact we could make within this community. 

My hope is that they find what they are looking for. I hope that they see Christ's love through all of their teachers. That they feel Christ's love through our daily conversations. And I pray that the teachers and staff would be so bold as to stand up for our faith and for our loving God so that our students can come to know the same God that we serve everyday. 

This was my inspiration today. Enjoy. 

a Signature

Today I signed.

I am proud to announce, and with much excitement, that I will be returning to teach here at Academia Los Pinares for a second year (school year 2012-2013). I knew in my heart that this is where God wants me for now and I have been so blessed with those around me that it's hard to think that I belong anywhere else. After my verbal agreement back in December, I went home finally to release the news over the holidays. But today, after picking up that fancy pen and then setting it down, I felt something so surreal. I came with the idea of staying for one year, and now I have grown to love it here... and in only a mere 5 months.
    All I can say is, wow.
   When God moves, He does it big.
I immediately went into the nearest room down the hall and (while hyperventilating) released all of my excitement and energy to the nearest recipient. It's true. I have this crazy way of releasing my emotions - I laugh. Whether I'm in pain, suffering, choking, excited, nervous, confused, happy, or maybe even sad... I laugh. This was no different. I couldn't help it. I'm thankful for the people who were around this morning to celebrate in the huge life choice that I made this morning. The signature wouldn't mean a thing if I wasn't able to share it with others.

I guess you can say that overall, today was a great day. A huge change from last week. I'm looking forward to all of the many other surprises that God has in store for me this week.

A cup of Joy that overflows is waiting to be shared with those who are willing to receive it.

When It's Hard Not To Cry

I pray. Hard.

2012 is finally here, but I am so thankful for all of the growing pains of 2011. It's not over though, and I am well aware of that. There is still so much to learn. But what better place to learn than in a place of complete surrender?
     I came back to Honduras five days before a majority of the other teachers. I was here to rest and readjust before school started up again, and also to bring in the New Year (my favorite holiday by the way). Surprisingly it wasn't difficult to readjust, it was more difficult when I began to think about 2011 and let alone 2010. With every New Year comes the desire to make resolutions. To come up with some list of things that you wish to accomplish within the upcoming year. This year was no different. There are some things that I would love to learn, playing the guitar and becoming fluent in Spanish are two that top the charts, but my relationship with Abba Father takes top priority.
     There are definitely things that I would like to happen this year, things that I have been praying for, but I am learning that it is not my timing that is right, but God's timing that makes it perfect. So, as frustrating as it may be and as impatient as I may get, I feel as though this is a time of waiting. A time of being patient and letting God work - in me and through me. I am excited for the relationships that are growing and for the part that I have to play here in Tegus.
     I guess you can say that I am looking forward to growing. I hope that my students see that in me and that they too develop a hunger for the peace that God has brought me.

     So 2012, bring it on. I may not be ready, but I know who I can turn to - the one who has never left my side.